Saturday, December 20, 2014

Warner Bros. hacked, data held for ransom

Warner Bros. Entertainment was hacked this morning in retaliation to the depiction of Smaug in its new blockbuster film The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.

When WB employees arrived this morning for work, they noticed a poorly written warning on their computer screens. The warning depicted what at first appeared to be a skull with long skeletal fingers, but upon closer examination turned out to be Smeagol, another character from the film. “This is just a beginning,” the warning states. “We continue till our request be met.” The poor grammar and other digital clues point to Orcs as the likely attackers.

Using backdoor malware, a time-bomb virus, and Ghash (an Orc word for “fire”), the hackers stole private emails, employee information, and Bilbo Baggins’ home address in the Shire. The hacker team, which calls itself #SMOWG, threatens to release WB’s sensitive data unless Warner Bros. mothballs The Hobbit trilogy and Peter Jackson issues a public apology to Smaug, pledging absolute allegiance to Sauron. Mr. Jackson must also return the ring of power, or else.

Smaug, a fearsome fire-breathing dragon (a little on the heavy side), conquered the Dwarf kingdom of Erebor 150 years ago for its treasure. In the Peter Jackson film, the dragon is depicted as a “most specially greedy, strong, and wicked worm” who suspects everything as being edible. Smaug, incensed by this portrayal, revealed to Stephen Colbert that he blames “typical liberal Hollywood bias” for a dragon being cast as the villain in the film. Also, the camera adds ten tons. Everyone knows that.

Furthering the insult, Smaug, in Peter Jackson’s depiction, has only one weak spot in his armor, a missing scale that broke off during his attack on Dale. This, Smaug contends, is not true to his real-life weak spot, which is actually a gap in the gems and gold embedded in his belly (although gold, being heavy and malleable, makes for terrible armor; a missing scale makes way more sense as a sole weak spot).

President Obama cautions WB not to give in to the hackers’ demands. “I have yet to see The Hobbit. If we as a nation allow despots such as Smaug to dictate what we can and cannot watch, how am I supposed to know what happens to poor Bilbo Baggins?”

If the trilogy remains available, the hackers threaten Helm’s Deep-style attacks on theaters that are still showing the film. Anyone watching a bootlegged copy of the movie will become visible to the eye of Sauron, and Ringwraiths will be dispatched to their location.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies is playing now in a theater near you.

Friday, November 28, 2014

New Thriller - The Phone Company

Today, we announced the release of David Jacob Knight's newest thriller, The Phone Company. The book will be 99 cents on Amazon today. We're also hosting a giveaway for a signed copy on Goodreads.

Thanks to everyone who made the release a great success!

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Inhuman Monsters: A Review of Doctor Sleep

Stephen King’s novel Doctor Sleep, child of The Shining, is a fun, inventive book that falls short of the abject terror for which its father is hailed.

The Shining terrified me when I first read it years ago, and it terrified me again when I reread it recently in preparation for the sequel. King has a knack for making human monsters, and often he makes monsters out of people we normally trust: fathers, neighbors, cops. The Shining does this traumatically, turning Jack Torrance, beloved father, into a ravening murderer thirsting for his family’s blood—but this is where Doctor Sleep ultimately fails: its monsters aren’t scary; they’re no longer even human.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Final BREAKING BAD theory

With pictures.

As shown most dramatically in "Granite State," Walt wants all that he's done to actually mean something. I'm almost certain the machine gun is for the Nazis. Not sure who the ricin is for--Lydia? Jesse? WALT JR's PANCAKES?!--but I'm fairly certain the climax of the show will center in some way around the conflict between Jesse and Walt. I'm not sure how that will all shake out, but... that still leaves the falling action and the resolution... and an important loose end.

The blood money.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

The Pen Name, by David Jacob Knight

 Grab a copy of the new supernatural thriller readers are calling fascinating, brilliant, claustrophobic, and nail-biting!

"A fascinating thriller. It's the book I wish I had written."
--Joe McKinney, Bram Stoker Award-winning author  

"A writer's dream becomes his worst nightmare ... THE PEN NAME is a sadistic thriller with a slow-burning fuse."
--Craig DiLouie, author of THE KILLING FLOOR

 Head over to the DJK blog for an interview with the Audible narrator and to enter the Goodreads Giveaway. You could win a signed copy of THE PEN NAME!

Learn more at

Sunday, September 8, 2013

99-cent Amazon Bestseller

The 99-cent sale is going well.

Pavlov's Dogs is currently #14 in Horror. Dog Years 1 is #17 in Science Fiction > Adventure. And Dog Years 2 & 3 are #2,194 and #2,241 respectively.  And MY Amazon rank is, drum roll please...

"Grab this with both hands!"--Johnathan Maberry

Here's the link!